There is a unique kind of pain that comes when you have given your energy, your time, and your affection that is met with dismissal, neglect, or even betrayal. It is the hurt only deep lovers know, those who pour out love beyond what is expected. It is crushing to those who stretch themselves emotionally because that is simply how we are wired. Yes, I know this pain because I have lived it. If you are reading this and nodding quietly to yourself, chances are you have lived it, too.

To love hard is to live vulnerably. It means placing your heart in someone’s hands and trusting they will hold it with care. For people like us, love is not passive. It is active, intentional, and sacrificial. We love with our whole hearts, not because we expect a perfect return, but because it is who we are. Yet, if we are honest, there is a quiet expectation that others will love us back with equal sincerity. When that does not happen, it is devastating. It shakes something in us.

This blog is for the tender-hearted…the givers…the peacekeepers. The protectors of others’ emotions. You know who you are. You are the one who checks in when no one checks in on you. You are the one who still shows up for others while secretly nursing wounds they do not even see. You are the one who forgives quietly, deeply, because holding on to bitterness just does not align with your spirit.

To you, I say this: Your love is not wasted.

Yes, the pain is real. It cuts in a way that makes you question your worth, your instincts, and even your faith. Know that you are not broken for loving deeply. Actually, you are gifted. Sensitivity is not a weakness. It is a strength this world needs more of. Do not let someone’s inability to receive your love make you question the value of your heart.

To those who may not identify with this level of emotional sensitivity, this is your invitation to look more closely at the people in your life who do. If someone around you is giving you their whole heart, be mindful of that gift. Don’t take it lightly. Your words and your actions, or lack thereof, have weight. You may not understand what it takes to offer love so freely, but you can choose to respect it.

I am reminded of Romans 8, a chapter that reminds us of the unwavering, unshakable love of God. It says that nothing can separate us from that love, absolutely nothing. Even when we feel abandoned or our love is unreciprocated, we are still surrounded by a love that sees us. It is one that knows us as well as holds us. You do not have to believe in every doctrine or be part of any particular faith tradition to understand this principle: You were created in love, and love, at its highest form, never fails.

So, how do we heal when we have loved hard and been hurt harder?

We acknowledge the hurt without shame.
We grieve the loss without losing ourselves.
We lean into truth that not everyone can meet us where we are, and that is okay.
We anchor ourselves in grace, not just for others, but for ourselves.
Finally, we remain open not because we are naive, but because we refuse to let pain harden our hearts.

Tender soul, loving hard is your superpower. It is the light you bring into rooms, into relationships, and into this world. While not everyone will be capable of matching your love, that does not mean your love is not worth giving. Protect your heart, but do not silence it. Heal, but do not hide.

You are seen. You are valued. You are also not alone.

Stay grounded. Remain open. Keep loving with wisdom, with strength, and most of all, with intention.

A kindred heart holder,

Coach Erika