“Don’t Let Anyone Who Hasn’t Been in Your Shoes Tell You How to Tie Your Laces” – Anonymous

I have come to realize that advice can be a beautiful thing—when it comes from the right place. Too often, people love to tell you how to live your life, how to solve your problems, or how to move through your pain when they have never been where you have been. It is funny how someone who is never walked a day in your shoes can be so eager to tell you how to tie your laces.

I have learned this lesson the hard way, many times. In moments when I have been at my lowest, whether it was navigating my career, dealing with personal trauma, or even facing illness, I have had people step up and offer their “solutions.” Their words often sound something like: “If I were you, I would do this,” or “Why don’t you just…?” They say it with good intentions, but there is an underlying assumption there—that they somehow know better than you do about your own life.

But the truth is, no one can fully understand the weight you carry. They cannot possibly know the depth of your experiences or the complexity of the decisions you face. They have not lived it. They have not felt the pinch of your shoes when you had to walk paths no one saw coming. They were not there when your feet ached from miles of emotional and mental exhaustion.

We all have unique journeys. While we can certainly seek guidance and wisdom from others, we must be careful about who we allow to speak into our lives. Not everyone has the qualifications to tell you how to tie your laces because those laces are tied to your story, your history, and your resilience.

I remember a time when I faced a major life decision. I was torn between doing what felt right for me and following the advice of those around me. People who had never experienced what I was going through seemed to have an endless supply of opinions. Some of them were well-meaning, but many lacked empathy for the complexity of my situation. It took me some time, but I eventually realized that I needed to trust my own process…my healing, my growth, and my path. These are deeply personal things. Only I know the steps I have taken to get here.

I am not saying we should not accept help or listen to others. There is value in perspective, especially when it comes from someone who has been through something similar. However, the key is discernment. You must know when the advice is coming from someone who truly gets it, versus someone who is looking in from the outside. Those who have walked a mile in your shoes understand the blisters and the grit. They understand the uphill battles and the moments when you had to pause and catch your breath. They know how the laces loosen and tighten because they have felt it themselves.

It is easy to second-guess yourself when everyone around you is offering advice. You might start to question whether you are handling things the “right” way. Here is what I have learned: there is no right way to do life, especially not when you are navigating uncharted territory. Sometimes, it is okay to stumble. It is okay if your laces get tangled or come undone. What matters is that you find a way to keep going.

So, the next time someone tries to tell you how to walk your path, take a step back. Breathe. Ask yourself if they have ever stood where you are standing. Have they ever faced the kind of storms you have weathered? If the answer is no, take their advice with caution.

You are the expert in your own life. You know what fits, what does not, and what needs adjusting. Do not let anyone who has not worn your shoes tell you how to walk in them. By the way, when it comes to those laces? Only you know how tight or loose they need to be to carry you forward, not them.

Trust yourself. You have made it this far. You know how to keep moving forward.

So keep moving forward,

Erika