I have learned that winning an argument does not bring true resolution. The goal, for me, is not to stand victorious on a battlefield of words, but to walk away from a conversation with a sense of peace, knowing that both of us have been heard and understood. You see, so often we engage in disagreements as if we are opponents in a competition—racing toward the finish line of “rightness.” When in reality, we are on the same team. The important question is: what does it profit us to “win” the battle if the relationship loses?

I have been there. I have experienced those moments where my ego stepped up to the plate, ready to bat down every opinion that was not aligned with mine. As I have grown, I have come to understand being right is not nearly as fulfilling as being understood. There is a power that lies not in proving our point, but in creating a space where we can both lay our cards on the table and feel seen, heard, and valued.

So, when I am in a conversation that turns heated, I try to remind myself of this: It is not about the heat. Rather, it is about the light that can emerge when we look at the heart of the matter, not through the lens of defensiveness, but through the lens of curiosity and compassion. Can we talk to one another from a place of love, even when we disagree? Can we listen deeply enough to hear not just the words being spoken, but the emotion, the pain, the longing, or the fear behind those words?

Here is what I know for sure. Most of the time, we do not want to be right. We want to feel understood. Well, the beautiful thing is, you do not have to agree with me to understand me. You do not have to see the world the way I do in order to empathize with how I am feeling. This is where true connection lies. This is where healing begins.

As I reflect on conversations that have gone awry, I realize that when I walked into them with the intention to “win,” I often walked away with nothing but bitterness, resentment, or the hollow feeling that comes from standing on the pedestal of righteousness all alone. However, when I walk into conversations with a different intention—to learn, to connect, to find common ground—I leave with something so much more valuable. I leave with respect, understanding, and a deeper bond.

So, what if we shifted our mindset from “I need to be right” to “I need to be present”? What if we stopped seeing disagreements as battles to win and started viewing them as opportunities for growth and healing? What if, instead of preparing our rebuttals while the other person is speaking, we listened with our hearts, allowing the conversation to unfold without the need to control it?

I encourage you to try this next time you find yourself in a disagreement. Take a deep breath. Set the intention not to win, but to understand. Release the need to have the last word and instead focus on truly hearing the other person. Ask yourself, “What is this conversation trying to teach me? What is this person’s experience trying to reveal to me?”

When we approach our interactions from a place of love and understanding, we not only strengthen our relationships but also create space for healing. In that space, we can grow together.

Because, at the end of the day, I do not want to win the argument. I want us both to walk away feeling like we have won something far more valuable: each other’s respect, trust, and understanding. That, my friend, is the real victory.

Let’s strive for that.

With love and light,

Erika