There is a certain kind of peace that comes when you learn to accept that not everyone is for you. Let me tell you, that lesson did not come easy. I have experienced it time and time again throughout my life, whether in friendships, family, or professional relationships. I have had to remind myself constantly: Do not allow the ugly in others to kill the beauty in you.

You see, it is one of those life truths that hits hard when you realize it. At first, it feels like a punch to the gut, especially when the person you trusted or loved shows you they cannot meet you where you are. It hurts. It stings. Nonetheless, it is necessary. There is freedom that comes when you finally accept it. It is something truly transformational.

As a life mastery coach, I have seen this play out not only in my life but in the lives of countless others. We spend so much time contorting ourselves, twisting and bending to fit into spaces that were never meant for us. We allow ourselves to be hurt by people who were never capable of giving us what we needed in the first place. We pour love, energy, and support into others, hoping they will reciprocate or at least appreciate it. When they don’t, it is easy to question our worth, our beauty, and our place in this world. But, here’s the truth: Their inability to appreciate your light does not diminish it.

Maya Angelou once said, “You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody.” Let that sit with you. We do not need validation from others to confirm our worth. I learned this the hard way through years of showing up with my heart wide open, expecting others to meet me with the same energy. Not everyone will. Some people will project their insecurities, their fears, and their ugliness onto you. It is not about you. It is about them. That doesn’t make it hurt any less, but it does make it easier to understand.

There was a time when I thought I had to keep giving. I believed I really had to keep bending and shrinking to fit into someone else’s narrative. I believed if I loved harder, supported more, or dimmed my light, it would make the relationship work. However, I was wrong. Boundaries are not about keeping people out. They are about keeping your peace in. I had to learn that my peace, joy, and beauty are too precious to be handed over to someone else’s negativity.

Iyanla Vanzant often says, “When you can tell the truth about what you feel, what you need, and what you want, you’re stepping into your power.” Well, that is exactly what I had to do. I had to tell myself the truth—that not everyone who smiles at you is in your corner. Some people do not have the capacity to give what you give. That is not a reflection of your value. It is simply a fact of life.

I have sat at tables where my voice was not welcomed. I have been in rooms where my presence was not appreciated. I have had relationships where my heart was absolutely not reciprocated. However, each time, I learned more about who I am and what I stand for. When you allow others to constantly take without reciprocity, you are not just draining yourself. You are teaching them that it is okay to mistreat you.

It is not my job to fix their brokenness or make myself small so they can feel big. It is also not yours, either. Instead, I have learned to stay grounded in the truth of who I am, even when others can not see it. You are not for everybody, and not everybody is for you. That is perfectly alright. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. It simply means you are not meant to fit into every space or please every person.

When I fully embraced this truth, I found a new kind of strength. As Michelle Obama once said, “When they go low, we go high.” That became a mantra for me. When people try to pull me into their negativity, their bitterness, or even their drama, I rise above it. I choose grace. I choose beauty. I choose peace.

Let’s be real, though. Sometimes that is easier said than done. Sometimes the rejection, the criticism, the outright hostility weighs heavy on your spirit. I have had those moments where I questioned myself. I wondered if maybe I needed to change or be more “likable.” But here’s the thing: The moment you decide that your peace is non-negotiable is the moment you begin to walk in your power.

Not everyone deserves access to your most vulnerable self. Some people come into your life to teach you, not to stay. Some of those lessons are hard, but they are necessary. I have had to let go of relationships, friendships, and even some family dynamics that were no longer aligned with who I was becoming. As hard as it was, it was also liberating. Letting go is not an act of cruelty. Rather, it is an act of self-love.

Here is the beautiful part: once you clear away the people who do not honor your light, you make space for those who will. You open the door to new relationships, new opportunities, and new possibilities that align with your highest self. You create room for those who will cherish your heart, nurture your spirit, and stand beside you in the sunshine and the rain.

“You’ve got to trust yourself. Be the keeper of your own soul,” Queen Latifah once said. That is exactly it. Trust yourself enough to know when it is time to walk away from what no longer serves you. Protect your peace at all costs. Guard your joy. Nurture your own heart like it is the most precious thing in the world because it is. When you do that, you won’t allow the ugly in others to penetrate your spirit.

Please don’t shrink! Do not dim your light for anyone! If they can not handle your glow, then that is on them—not you. Surround yourself with people who see you, who love you, and who uplift you. Let go of those who don’t, with grace, knowing that everyone is not for you. That is perfectly fine. The beauty in you is untouchable. No one can kill it unless you let them. So, protect your light at all costs.

Shining brightly,

Erika