Over the years, I have had the privilege of working with men and women from all walks of life. And one truth I have encountered time and time again is this: far too many Black men have been conditioned to believe that their value, their worth, and their “loveability” are tied to their ability to provide financially. It’s as though society has written a script for them — that in order to be worthy of love, affection, and respect, they must lead with their wallets.

But let me be clear: Black men, you are worth more than your wallet. You deserve a love that honors who you are at your core, not just what you can provide.

I want to talk to both my Black men and the women who love and support them. This is a conversation for all of us because we are all participants in shaping how love, respect, and partnership are defined in our community.

For My Black Men:

You are worthy of love, not because of what you do, but because of who you are. You don’t have to buy love. You don’t have to finance someone’s attention, their loyalty, or their affection. If a relationship is built on what you can give, rather than who you are, then it is not love. It is a transaction.

Please hear me when I say this, “Transactions will always leave you feeling drained and unfulfilled because real love requires vulnerability, openness, and a mutual exchange of respect.” I know, for many of you, this is a hard truth to accept. You have been taught to “man up” by taking care of everything and everyone else, but neglecting yourself in the process. You have been groomed to think that your value lies in what you can offer financially.

Know that you are so much more than a paycheck. You are a man with dreams, emotions, talents, and potential. It’s time to change the narrative and reclaim your right to experience love that feeds your soul—not just empties your pockets.

For My Sisters:

We are also part of this conversation. Somewhere along the way, many of us have internalized this idea that a man’s ability to provide financially equates to his ability to love. While it is true that stability is important in any relationship, emotional security is just as vital. It is not just about what he can give materially. Rather, it is about what you can build together emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.

I want us to rethink the standard we hold for love. Are we teaching our sons, brothers, and partners that their primary value lies in how much money they make or how much they can provide? If we are, we are doing them a disservice. Because what happens when the money isn’t there? Does the love disappear too?

We have to be intentional about creating spaces where Black men feel safe to show up as their full selves—without the pressure of having to “prove” their worth through material means. It vitally important for us to begin to celebrate their emotional intelligence, their kindness, their leadership, their creativity, and their humanity.

Shifting the Dynamic

The truth is, money can’t buy love. It can buy experiences, comfort, and stability, but not the deep connection we all crave. Real love is about showing up for each other in meaningful ways that go beyond dollars and cents.

If we want stronger families and healthier relationships, we need to begin by redefining what it means to be a provider. It is not just about financial contribution. It is about emotional presence, spiritual alignment, and mutual respect. It is about showing up for one another in ways that affirm and support each other’s growth and well-being.

My Brothers: You Are Enough

I want to affirm to all the Black men reading this: YOU ARE ENOUGH. You do not need to sacrifice your peace or drain your resources to prove your worth. Love isn’t something you earn with dollars. Love is something you cultivate with your heart.

It is time to let go of the idea that you have to finance love. Stand in your power and recognize that you deserve a love that honors who you are—not what you can provide. You deserve to be loved in a way that lifts you up, not weighs you down. You deserve a partner who sees you, not just your paycheck.

To my sisters: let us support our men in this journey. Let us create partnerships built on mutual respect and true intimacy—where love is not about the material, but about the connection that feeds our souls.

We can all do better by each other. Black men, you deserve more than being a wallet. You are worthy of real, deep, lasting love—and it’s time to claim it.