I wrote the following blog for my female readers:

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Do you want to be loved, or do you want to be kept? This question, whispered in the quiet moments of our hearts, forces us to confront our deepest desires and the paths we choose in our relationships. When I think about this, I have to be honest with myself—and with you, my sisters.

To be loved means being seen, heard, and valued for who we truly are. It’s about finding a partner who respects our individuality, supports our dreams, and stands by us through thick and thin. Love is about mutual respect, deep connection, and genuine care. It’s the warmth of a partner who cherishes us, not just for what we can give, but for who we are at our core.

On the flip side, to be kept is to be maintained in a state of financial security and material comfort, often at the cost of our autonomy and self-respect. Being kept might provide a lavish lifestyle, but it comes with strings attached. The trade-off is frequently our freedom, our voice, and sometimes our dignity. It’s a transactional arrangement where emotional fulfillment takes a back seat to material gain.

As a Black woman, I’ve had to ask myself: What do I truly value? In a world that has historically tried to diminish our worth, it’s crucial to hold our heads high and recognize that we deserve to be loved authentically, not merely kept in comfort. Our strength and resilience should not be bartered for a semblance of security.

To my sisters navigating this journey of life and love, remember this: Our worth is not measured by the possessions we accumulate or the status we achieve through someone else’s resources. Our worth is inherent, rooted in our spirit, our intellect, and our hearts. Embrace relationships that honor this truth.

When we seek love, we must look for someone who uplifts us, who celebrates our successes and supports us in our struggles. We need partners who value our opinions, listen to our voices, and treasure our souls. This kind of love doesn’t come with a price tag; it’s priceless.

However, let’s acknowledge that seeking material comfort isn’t inherently wrong. We all deserve financial stability and a comfortable life. The critical distinction lies in whether this comfort comes at the expense of our self-respect and happiness. If the cost of being kept is losing ourselves, then the price is too high.

Choosing to be kept, rather than loved, can be detrimental not only to ourselves but also to our partners. It reduces our relationships to mere transactions, devoid of genuine connection and intimacy. This behavior sends a negative message to our communities, perpetuating the notion that our value lies in what we can acquire rather than who we are. It erodes the foundation of trust and respect that true love is built upon.

In our pursuit of love and partnership, let’s prioritize relationships that enrich our lives emotionally and spiritually. Let’s surround ourselves with people who see us, love us, and respect us. And most importantly, let’s love ourselves enough to never settle for anything less.

I ask you again: Do you want to be loved or do you want to be kept? Your answer will shape the quality of your relationships and, ultimately, the fulfillment you find in them. Choose love that is genuine, deep, and enriching. We are worth nothing less.

This world offers many choices where paths abound and paths diverge. Choosing to be loved is an act of profound self-respect and courage. Embrace your worth. Seek authentic connections. Allow love, in its truest form, to guide you.

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Now, let’s talk, my brothers.

I shared the above message with my sisters because it’s crucial for you to recognize the difference between being loved and being kept. But now, I want to ask you: Are you a keeper?

Being a keeper, in the context of relationships, means maintaining a partner in a state of financial security and material comfort, often at the cost of mutual respect and genuine emotional connection. It is a dynamic where one partner provides materially, and the other is there primarily for what they receive. This might sound appealing to some, but let’s dig deeper.

I am certain you will agree, men have been conditioned to equate their worth with the ability to provide materially. You are often told that being a good partner means being a provider, a protector, a “keeper.” But what happens when this role diminishes your capacity for true emotional intimacy and mutual respect? What happens when you reduce your relationships to transactions, rather than connections of the heart and soul?

Choosing to be a keeper, rather than seeking authentic, mutual love, can be detrimental to you and your partners. It reduces your relationships to mere exchanges, devoid of genuine connection and intimacy. This behavior sends a negative message to your communities, perpetuating the notion that your value lies in your financial capabilities rather than who you are as individuals.

You deserve better than one-sided relationships where you are the keepers. Engaging in this behavior enables a cycle that inhibits you from finding true, authentic love. It is a cycle that leaves both partners unfulfilled and disconnected.

In your pursuit of love and partnership, prioritize relationships that enrich your lives emotionally and spiritually. Seek partners who see you, love you, and respect you for who you are, not just for what you can provide. Build connections based on mutual respect, deep understanding, and genuine care.

You must ask yourself: Do I want to be loved or simply be a keeper? Your answer will shape the quality of your relationships and, ultimately, the fulfillment you find in them. Choose love that is genuine, deep, and enriching. You are worth nothing less.

In this world where choices abound and paths diverge, you must choose to be loved as an act of profound self-respect and courage. Embrace your worth. Seek authentic connections. Finally, let love, in its truest form, find you.

For everyone’s sake,

Erika