Recently, my clients have shared some insightful observations with me about the dynamics of communication within their friendships, particularly concerning gender norms. Many have noticed a pattern where men often refrain from expressing their thoughts or concerns to their male friends. Similarly, women feel hesitant to provide feedback or constructive criticism to their female friends. This reluctance to engage in open communication within social circles can sometimes lead to misunderstandings or missed opportunities for growth and support.

One common theme among my clients is the need for both men and women to feel empowered to express themselves freely and openly with their friends, regardless of gender. Open communication—whether it involves offering encouragement, sharing concerns, or providing constructive feedback—fosters stronger connections and promotes growth within friendships. By breaking free from traditional gender norms that dictate how we should interact, we create a more inclusive and supportive environment where everyone feels valued and heard.

Consider the friendship between two of my clients. We will call them Collin and Alex. They’ve been friends since college. Collin is known for his outgoing personality and sense of humor, but sometimes his jokes cross the line, especially when it comes to interacting with women. He often makes inappropriate comments or engages in behavior that makes women uncomfortable, but Alex has never addressed it directly.

Despite Collin’s charm and charisma, his relationships tend to end prematurely. He confides in Alex about his dating woes. He expresses frustration at his inability to maintain a long-term relationship. However, Alex remains silent on the matter, not wanting to rock the boat or confront Collin about his behavior.

Meanwhile, Collin continues to make insensitive remarks and fails to recognize the impact of his words and actions on others. Without feedback or accountability from his friend, he remains unaware of the connection between his behavior and the recurring pattern of failed relationships. If Alex were to engage in open communication with Collin and provide constructive feedback, it could potentially lead to positive changes in Collin’s behavior as well as improve his relationships in the long run.

In another case, my clients, Nicole and Meredith, have been best friends since high school. Nicole has a tendency to be overly critical of Meredith’s choices. She often makes subtle but undermining comments about her appearance, career, or relationships. Meredith feels hurt and demoralized by Nicole’s remarks, but has never felt comfortable confronting her about it.

Despite Nicole’s constant criticism, Meredith tries to maintain the friendship, hoping that things will improve over time. However, the strain on their relationship becomes increasingly apparent as Meredith struggles with feelings of inadequacy and resentment towards Nicole. Whenever Meredith tries to share her own accomplishments or joys with Nicole, she feels dismissed or overshadowed by Nicole’s need to assert her superiority. Meredith finds herself censoring her thoughts and emotions, fearing Nicole’s judgment and criticism.

Despite the toxicity of their friendship, Meredith hesitates to address the issue directly with Nicole because she fears confrontation and potential fallout. As a result, their friendship becomes increasingly one-sided, with Meredith bearing the brunt of Nicole’s negativity without any recourse for expressing her own feelings. The lack of open communication between Nicole and Meredith contributes to a toxic dynamic that undermines the foundation of their friendship. Without addressing the underlying issues of criticism and insecurity, their relationship suffers, ultimately diminishing both parties’ well-being and fulfillment.

The dynamics of these two relationships is not unique. I am willing to bet that we all have some familiarity with both situations in some respect. Transitioning from these examples, it becomes clear that the reluctance to communicate openly can significantly impact the quality of our relationships and impact us personally. For Collin and Alex, a simple yet honest conversation could be transformative. Alex should express his concerns about Collin’s behavior in a caring and supportive manner, emphasizing the impact of his actions on others and offering constructive feedback. This could help Collin develop greater self-awareness and improve his interactions as well as lead to more meaningful and lasting relationship with Alex and others.

Similarly, for Meredith and Nicole, addressing the underlying issues head-on is crucial. Meredith needs to find the courage to communicate how Nicole’s constant criticism affects her. Ideally, this should take place in a calm and non-confrontational way. By setting boundaries and expressing her feelings honestly, Meredith can create an opportunity for Nicole to understand the consequences of her actions and potentially change her behavior. Both friends must commit to open dialogue and mutual respect, paving the way for a healthier, more supportive friendship.

We must encourage each other to embrace vulnerability and honesty in our friendships. It’s okay to express ourselves authentically without fear of judgment. I invite you to join me in fostering a culture of open communication among our friends and partners. We must freely share our thoughts and feelings, knowing that we have each other’s best interests at heart.

Together, we can create a supportive network where open dialogue leads to growth, understanding, and stronger, more fulfilling relationships.